Geeky Cat Miusings

Every single day I wonder what my cats are saying to me. When Pumpkin meows early in the morning, is it because she is hungry, or is it because she is lonely. If Tammy meows when I enter the kitchen, is it because she wants some water, or is it because she needs a belly rub to help her digestion. If Pumpkin is refusing to go on the windowsill to drink from the glass of water as she normally does, is it because her leg is bothering her or is it just an idiosyncracy of hers. Someone has invented a gadget that is designed with mine and other pet lovers’ needs in mind. It also appeals to the kitty lover in me as well as the geek: The Meowlingual Cat Translation Device. How to use: The device is held up to the kitty while she meows, then the gadget does its interpretation, and it displays the translation on screen. Apparently the successful predecessor, the Bowlingual Dog Translator, was popular enough in Japan for the manufacturers to consider making translators for other pets. I know a few of us who just can’t wait for them to make Shrill-lingual Squirrel Translator.

1. I’m not the only one that finds squash hard to cut. I practically have to climb on the counter to try to get good leverage. Perhaps someone can invent a squash peeling and chopping machine???
2. Because of soaring food waste and shrinking landfill space, some Hong Kong restaurants that offer all-you-can-eat specials have begun to fine their customers for each ounce of leftovers (A very good policy).
3. Do not request to have leftovers packed to take with you in France as they don’t have the ‘doggy bag’ custom (this definitely requires an intervention).
4. I have spent years wondering how squirrels find the nuts that they buried. People always tell me that the squirrels just remember. Well, apparently the squirrel licks the nut or rubs it on its face which leaves a scent on the nut. So they can find their nuts by sniffing the ground for their own scent. Or maybe identifying their neighbour’s scent would be even better if the hungry squirrel spent too much time at the cottage to gather enough nuts for the winter.
5. The area around Yonge and Bloor was once a non-denominational public cemetery. Potter’s Field was Toronto’s first non-denominational cemetery, built in 1825 and in use for 30 years. In 1855 the city decided that it wanted the space for the living and asked the families to move the 6,700 bodies to Mt. Pleasant Cemetery. The families had 25 years to move the bodies. It is estimated only 1,000 (maximum) bodies were moved and the rest remain, buried under the chi chi stores of Yorkville. I thought I saw some ghosts there Saturday night.

“Our cabin stood on the timbered crest of a hill, and from our window you could see the road winding down, and then running as straight as a hair parting between two rows of chestnut trees, towards the pretty town, which looked singularly distinct and toylike in the pure morning distance. One could make out an elf-like girl on an insect-like bicycle, and a dog, a bit too large proportionately, all as clear as those pilgrims and mules winding up wax-pale roads in old paintings with blue hill and red little people.”

From Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

Woke up early to get ready for work. My cats need morning massage. Decide to wear skirt. Select top to go with skirt. Decide against top. Try reverse selection: Decide on top first and select skirt to match. I sip my coffee as I make my lunch since there is no time to sit. Gulp down my breakfast as I do my makeup. Rush out the door with what I hope is everything I’ll need for the day: lunch, snacks, mints, book, iPod, cellphone, jacket, sunglasses, and lipstick.

Not a long wait for the bus, but it was rather full, and I had to stand. So I held on tight to the handrails as I teetered on my high-heeled shoes. Eventually someone got off and I had a seat…ahhhhh! We move along. Students are doing homework. Some people are talking on the phone. Some are gazing out into space. There are a bunch of people with red and white umbrellas standing on the sidewalk waving at people. It is not raining. I take a closer look. Politician and his gang trying to get votes. Wouldn’t it be nice if I could get a job by just waving. I wish.

Bus driver announces that the vehicle will be short turning at Finch. Groan.

Get into work and check all my e-mail accounts, Facebook, and whatnots. Received reminder of weekend plans. Mental note to find a vegetarian pasta salad recipe with no beans. Make a hot chicory drink, discuss adverse effects of caffeine with non-drinker, and get to work.

Co-worker announces that a current project mysteriously stopped working. We almost literally bang heads together troubleshooting the problem.

Programming problem solved. Relief.

I water my plant and make a tea for me.

Eat lunch as I work at my desk. Would love to be outside on such a gorgeous day.

Work all afternoon on computer and every now and then dispensing tidbits of info to colleagues such as where to eat, where to get passport photo, and the nasty effects of smoking.

We briefly stop working to watch the parking enforcement officer write parking tickets — there was an article in the newspaper a couple of weeks ago about the legality of that — apparently they are in contravention of the bylaw. Well, it is a show for us.

It is payday. The big question is should I spend or should I save. Save has won. But only for a day or so.

It was someone’s birthday and there was leftover cake. I helped myself to a hefty slice.

Pick up a bunch of books from library and head home. It doesn’t matter if I don’t read them, they keep me weighed down.

Long lineup at bus stop. I read my book for the book club meeting next week. Politely ignore everyone. Two buses arrive.

Woman sitting next to me is talking on phone complaining about house mate that does not work but isn’t doing any housework either. Heard her say something about the woman at home should at least be a housewife. Ummmm

Bus is already packed when the bus makes a stop. More people get on. The bus driver says he can’t go anywhere because the front area must be cleared. He politely asks an elderly woman who just got on to get off and wait for next bus, which was actually very close behind. She pleaded with him to let her stay. He kindly asked her to get off because, for her own safety, it was the best thing to do. She started to cry. Some people laughed. Others were agitated at the delay. One young woman said to her friend that she would get off to make room for the older woman. She gets off and the people in the front adjust themselves in their spaces to allow the woman to move in. We move on.

Arrive home at 7:20. It was getting dark already — wonder where the daylight has gone. Too sad.

Pumpkin needs a massage, of course.

Eat dinner while Jeopardy is on, but don’t really hear what is going on. My head just needs to unwind. Cuddle Tammy a good while.

Go online to see if anyone from my online class has responded to my e-mail. Have you ever taken an online course? It is a little confusing, especially the group assignments. None of us are online at the same time and one woman sent us a message that she is only available on Sunday afternoons. It sounds like we all need to adjust to her schedule. There are no guidelines for establishing a leader or dividing the work up. So far it is a mess. Haven’t heard at all from two group members and they may well have dropped out.

Some catnip for the kitties and a cup of peachy tea for me. Thinking about cracking open a book. I am a bit tired. I might watch some TV, but want to write my blog. I am miles behind on my to-do list. But no matter. It is the end of another ordinary day.

October is National Sarcastics Awareness Month. I thought this month was declared specifically so that people can explore their inner sarcastics and let that hidden part of themselves come out for a short while so that it does not grow to be a big scary monster that makes a dramatic appearance at Christmas time (well that’s my explanation for people’s craziness and my suggestion for their therapy). October is also Self-Awareness Month so I thought the two went hand in hand. But apparently Sarcastic Awareness Month is:

1. For those who realize they are sarcastic and want to get it under control
2. for those who are sarcastic and want to get better at it
3. for those who are forced to live or work with people who are sarcastic

Here is a short booklist that can get you started in exploring sarcasm:

1. Dave Barry’s Complete Guide To Guys by Dave Barry.
2. How To Tell Your Friends From Apes by Will Cuppy.
3. I Still Miss My Man, But My Aim Is Getting Better by Sarah Shankman (I personally don’t know the book, but it is a great title).

Here are some sarcastic comments to keep handy, they’ll help you get through this month:

1. If I throw a stick will you leave?
2. Don’t let your mind wander; it’s far too small to be let out on its own.
3. I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.
4. Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
5. Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.
6. and this one I use all the time: I plead contemporary insanity.

Enjoy the freedom to be sarcastic this month. Remember, You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.

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I am thinking of taking a magical balloon ride inspired by a dear friend’s of mine postcard.

And, as he says, Up, Up and Away by The Fifth Dimension is the perfect accompaniment to this magical journey:

Here are the lyrics so you can sing along. Oh come on — I know you want to. Just singing the song transports you to that magical place.

Would you like to ride in my beautiful balloon
Would you like to ride in my beautiful balloon
We could float among the stars together, you and I
For we can fly we can fly
Up, up and away
My beautiful, my beautiful balloon
The world’s a nicer place in my beautiful balloon
It wears a nicer face in my beautiful balloon
We can sing a song and sail along the silver sky
For we can fly we can fly
Up, up and away
My beautiful, my beautiful balloon
Suspended under a twilight canopy
We’ll search the clouds for a star to guide us
If by some chance you find yourself loving me
We’ll find a cloud to hide us
We’ll keep the moon beside us
Love is waiting there in my beautiful balloon
Way up in the air in my beautiful balloon
If you’ll hold my hand we’ll chase your dream across the sky
For we can fly we can fly
Up, up and away
My beautiful, my beautiful balloon
Balloon…
Up, up, and away…..

You did sing, didn’t you?